Gina
Reason 17 out of a million why I love Gina!
Gina: This lovely lady right here is one of my favorites! She makes me laugh like no other girl can. If I love anything in a woman it’s that she can make me laugh. Even the pictures on Facebook are creatively awesome and just perfectly perfect! They way she combines alcohol and entertainment together is impressive. I first met Gina in the summer of 2009. I went to my buddy Eli’s for a little get together and Gina was Eli’s girlfriend’s friend. Some sort of connection like that but whatever. We were all down in the basement just chillin’ and I was on this shitty couch and Gina was on this nice recliner chair. Somehow, some way I have to sit in that chair. Not only that she was a little cutie pie but for complete comfort and to be the king of the castle. I figured I just go in for the kill and then boom boom pow! I get my seat. Nope not that easy; I start off this mission by squeezing my awkwardly large self in the chair with her. Instantly awkward, hence how I just met her. But I’m mother fucking Porch McFuckingDonagh I can do anything! As I sit down next to her it’s just a battle royal from there on who will win the chair. In my head I’m thinking; “Hmm if I get out of this chair, that makes me her bitch and she wins the chair. But if I will it will all totally be worth it.” So this continues on for a 5-10 minute period and it’s not working out. Me, being the gentleman I am, I let her have the stupid dumb shitty ole chair that I didn’t even care about in the first place. Fuck, wait; I just got beaten by a girl?! Somehow, some way peeps. It happened; by the one and only Gina. About a year after that night I started hitting up Gina to drink. With my forgetfulness our meeting up skills didn’t go as planned but watch out ISU. I’m going down, and I’m going in hard. If I could describe Gina for all the girls who think they can party, it would be “Champ.”
Shannon
Fuck wit' it
Shannon: The love letter of my beautiful girlfriend’s tale! I first met Shannon at my sister’s birthday party at my house. Love at first site was amazing and delightful! Shannon is a pretend girlfriend but we go on dates and do some of those boyfriend and girlfriend stuff. I mean, we are married on Facebook. It’s more understandable when you see us in real life. From the numerous nights, days, and Harper adventures there’s nothing not to love about Shannon! She’s always a helping hand when in need, fun to be with, and she lets me beat her at Yahtzee! Life would not be easy being cheesy otherwise! HI!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, what? Hahaha those quotes alone will keep me smiling for days! HI!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a quote we always used but one day I came home with green bleeding from my eyes and I kept repeating it and repeating it, with Anne making this Raccoon face that was possible the funniest thing I could ever come across in my life time. Wait, what? For every awkward moment or even just to state that you don’t know what the fuck is going on because you are so blown out of it. You simple look around to everyone and say “Wait, what?” brings up the mood or even breaks the awkward silence! The stories continue and there will be more to hear! If I could pick one word for my baby boo it would have to be “Loveliness’.”
Stefani
My twinny sending some puppy love!
Stefani: My favorite girl in the pack! The sweetest sour patch of them all! My other half, my twin J my heart is filled with loved ones but my Stefani is at the top of the list! I’m probably going to get yelled at by some of the lovely ladies for not saying they are on top but I’m sorry; history tells it all! I first met Stefani with my main man Schuh. We were cruising around doing our thang and we met up with Stefani, Joe, and Presto. I was defiantly not functional at that moment but here is what I remember. We met up and made our move to Wolf & Central. On our way there I am dying for a piss! My penis is exploding like a balloon and we are not close to our destination. I looked around to all of the cars waiting for this light to turn green. I look over to Schuh and say fuck it. I get out at Rand & Thomas and start pissing in the middle of the intersection. We were the first car is the left turning lane and Stefani was behind us. I remember looking down at my piss, looking up at the red light, looking across to the people next to me and then turning my head back to Stefani. I see Schuh walking over to her window. I start laughing at all of this and then I see Schuh rushing back into his car.
Schuh: “Porch hurry the fuck up its green!”
Porch: “Oh shit! I’m not done, wait!”
I put maximum pressure and focus on my penis to help the pee zoom out of my piss-hole. Holy shit there is a lot of fucking pee! I cut the rope and hop into the car to get this shit done. We get to the Mobil and I seen Stefani. Seen or blurred; you be the judge.
Porch: “Holy shit when did you get a twin?!”
Stefani: “Um I don’t have a twin. What are you talking about?”
Porch: “Fuck off, I see two of you!”
Stefani: “Haha you are so drunk!”
Porch: “Yeah, haha I know.”
Stefani: “OMG Schuh can I drive your truck!”
Schuh: “Only if I can drive your car!”
The keys were exchanged and I hopped in the truck with Stefani and Schuh took off with the rest. Schuh takes off towards Kylemore and Stefani and I follow. I was not seat belted and the window was down. Stefani zooms the corner and I am hanging out of the window!
Porch: “HOLY FUCKING SHIT! IM OUT OF THE WINDOW! IM HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW!”
We slowed down into the neighborhood but my heart didn’t. Life was on the line but my twin saved me! Nothing like the best when you have the best! The night went on and we became best friends in every way! Stefani is my girl for all of my problems in life; girls, friends, shit that I hate, and anything. I love her so much for all of the time she has gave to me to help me with everything. She puts the Band-Aids on my elbows and knees so the blood that I see doesn’t get to the best of me. I haven’t seen her in a while because of being in Elgin, her working, and the lack of awesomeness the 847 brings us. But until next time, be ready twinny! To narrow down Stefani for everyone who wants to be the best in every way possible, it would only have to be “Unsurpassable”
Schuh: “Porch hurry the fuck up its green!”
Porch: “Oh shit! I’m not done, wait!”
I put maximum pressure and focus on my penis to help the pee zoom out of my piss-hole. Holy shit there is a lot of fucking pee! I cut the rope and hop into the car to get this shit done. We get to the Mobil and I seen Stefani. Seen or blurred; you be the judge.
Porch: “Holy shit when did you get a twin?!”
Stefani: “Um I don’t have a twin. What are you talking about?”
Porch: “Fuck off, I see two of you!”
Stefani: “Haha you are so drunk!”
Porch: “Yeah, haha I know.”
Stefani: “OMG Schuh can I drive your truck!”
Schuh: “Only if I can drive your car!”
The keys were exchanged and I hopped in the truck with Stefani and Schuh took off with the rest. Schuh takes off towards Kylemore and Stefani and I follow. I was not seat belted and the window was down. Stefani zooms the corner and I am hanging out of the window!
Porch: “HOLY FUCKING SHIT! IM OUT OF THE WINDOW! IM HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW!”
We slowed down into the neighborhood but my heart didn’t. Life was on the line but my twin saved me! Nothing like the best when you have the best! The night went on and we became best friends in every way! Stefani is my girl for all of my problems in life; girls, friends, shit that I hate, and anything. I love her so much for all of the time she has gave to me to help me with everything. She puts the Band-Aids on my elbows and knees so the blood that I see doesn’t get to the best of me. I haven’t seen her in a while because of being in Elgin, her working, and the lack of awesomeness the 847 brings us. But until next time, be ready twinny! To narrow down Stefani for everyone who wants to be the best in every way possible, it would only have to be “Unsurpassable”
Rachel Pirate
The beautiful Rachel Pirate!
Rachel Pirate: Rachel Pirate and I have too many words to say in one little paragraph but to narrow down a perfect friendship I couldn’t find a word to fit us but Pirates! I first met Rachel in the beginning of my senior year of high school (Which I did not attend.) My best friend Schuh had a thing for Rachel Pirate and he asked her to go to the Homecoming dance with him and it was filled with smiles and joy! I was meant to go with them to the dance with this girl Annina but she had mano so that was as much as a fail as Schuh and I being the Blues Brothers that night. Schuh wanted everything to be perfect for Rachel Pirate and at that time in our lives I only heard of Rachel Pirate from stories. She sounded awesome and all but Schuh wanted to switch cars for Homecoming! It was either his Moms Mini Van or my Ford Expedition. Yeah, I’d rather my car too but it’s mine so fuck him! Why did he need my car though for only Homecoming? What’s so special? A GIRL?!?! No way, one girl can’t be this amazing. But when I met her later that night and the more we chilled with her I realized how perfectly perfect a person can be! Even the first night we met she came over to my house with Schuh in her grey jeep and a case of beer! Great start to win my heart but what made her my best friend was the next morning at 8 A.M. when she picked us up from my house after a night long of drinking and took us to McDonalds! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! She was still in her pajamas and all! As if she was the mighty Pirate of the seven seas and her grey jeep was her Pirate ship! Well, that morning was just after my FIRST ever night drinking a 30 case to myself! I was 17 years old and accomplished a dream of mine that felt impossible; is that what it feels like to be Martin Luther King? But when she picked us all up I was shit-faced in and out of the bag! I kept going up to her with my index finger curled up like a pirates hook and she’d do the same and we would connect our fingers. From that morning we were both Pirates for life! To this day we connect our fingers like pirates with hooks, till this day she comes over to my house in her grey jeep with a case of beer, till this day we have the best times ever even if it is just us Pirates smoking in my garage with Ginger Ball Joes, and till this day we know we will even live next to each other when we are older. She is one of those close friends like that, the kind of girl that is always there for you, one of those girls you have more history with than a history book. Imagine your life without your bottom half of your body or two pirates without hooks to connect; that is how life would be without my beautiful, amazing, and favorite Pirate ever! Also with Zach in the mix of us; we’re the Smoking Irish Pirates. If there was any way to describe my baby and narrow it all down into one word would be easy for me but some people won’t understand because is the inside that counts. But that perfect word is “Pirate.”
Heather
A nutcase that you cant help but love: Heather!
Heather: Such a cutie pie that is always a great time; drinking and going ham or just chillin’ like a baller. She is so funny just being herself verses being funny with throwing out mad jokes. Describing Heather is like writing a book because it can be said in so many ways but in the end it would be the best book you ever read. Her swag is so original and legendry there can only be one; from standing by herself with that awkward look to doing the most random shit looking like a crack head to going hard in the paint to being the first girl on the Stay Wasted Crew! I first met Heather at a Halloween kegger; we first locked eyes when she came down the stairs with two other girls dressed as “Crazy Irish women” which I loudly proclaimed across the room “YOU THINK YOUR IRISH?!” Getting a the women’s attention was easy considering I’m the shit and when we were talking I was explaining to them that I have my own website and I wrote a book about getting drunk and such.
Heather: “Can I be in your book?”
Porch: “Yeah of course!”
Heather: “Do you even remember my name?”
Porch: “Uhh yeah…big tits!”
From that day on Heather and I have been chilling, partying, and all that good stuff since! We clicked and grew a friendship instantly as if we have been friends for years; a person like that is special and is hard to find since there are so few left in this world. Heather is the few of many that is a real, honest, tells it how it is, and very kind hearted. For me to describe Heather in one word for the girls that wanna be as perfect as can be is “Exquisite”
Heather: “Can I be in your book?”
Porch: “Yeah of course!”
Heather: “Do you even remember my name?”
Porch: “Uhh yeah…big tits!”
From that day on Heather and I have been chilling, partying, and all that good stuff since! We clicked and grew a friendship instantly as if we have been friends for years; a person like that is special and is hard to find since there are so few left in this world. Heather is the few of many that is a real, honest, tells it how it is, and very kind hearted. For me to describe Heather in one word for the girls that wanna be as perfect as can be is “Exquisite”
Brittany
Miss Brittany at her finest :)
Brittany: Well look at what the cat dragged in! This lovely lady right here is more than something else; there have been nights where we’ve been chatting and my laptop would begin to overheat so I’d simply stand under my ceiling fan trying to cool it down. Just for a few extra chats with the lovely lady! Things I do for some women but the things in this story cannot be as compatible with anyone else I could imagine. This journey all began at a going away party where we first locked eyes; I seen this girl and off my first impression I got a really cute shy girl. She just sat there hanging out pretty much; but like I said, really cute, so she can be as shy as she wants! The rest of the night went on and we didn’t say a word to each other. Lame right?! But faith will always bring what’s needed to be together! One wild weekend came around the corner about a year and a half later; Halloween. That weekend for me was a complete shit show that was death upon death with alcohol considering I was at Illinois State University. But the day I got home I went to a costume party as Bruno! Yeah, if you’re confused you will see pictures in the photo section. As I was there, me being me, gathering in all of the excitement around me and scoping out all of the cuties. In the mist of all of this I seen three good looking girls come walking down the stairs wearing green. What I noticed from all of this is that they were “Crazy Drunken Irish Women” and I knew that was my cue to do work.
Porch: “YOU THINK YOU’RE IRISH?!”
The girls heard me yelling my drunken slurs across the room and the chatting began! When I told Brittany that I was Porch she did a double check on my name then asked what my last name was. I replied with McDonagh then she told me she liked my fan page! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m the coolest! The night goes on as we talked little by little and we both become more and more drunk. From the many beers out of the keg I drank, along with the many beers I chugged out of my shoe along then the many pitchers Brittany was drinking of green beer. Once we hit our happy hour it was time to work my magic with this lovely lady. I was sitting down on this little shitty chair and Brittany was right in front of me as we were talking. I took her hand and swooped around implying to sit on my lap. SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!! I felt like a G! We were talking but I’m pretty sure she was more fucked up than I was; which is pretty damn fucked up haha! In the mist of us talking and such one of my best girl friends came over to me and gave me a big hug with exploding love! As she did that Brittany instantly stood up and walked away. The expression on my face went from a stretched smile with a beautiful girl on my lap to fuck you Shannon you just cock blocked me.
Shannon: “OMG did I just cock block you?!”
Porch: “Well yeah kind of but its okay, if it was anything I will get her again later.”
Once Shannon left I seen Brittany across the room and walked over to her in swag then I put my arm around her I think, pretty sure, then we made our way upstairs in the kitchen. There were a decent amount of people upstairs playing pool, drinking beer, and being cool but for Brittany and I, we were leaned up against the fridge with my arm around her. Then in the mist of this I looked at her then sneaked in a kiss! Oh boy was I a sneaky snake! But the best part of it all was that she replied with a kiss right away! You know what I replied with?!
Porch: “Let’s go to the bathroom right now.”
On our way up holding hands I told her that she was the boss of the bathroom and we didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want too because I’m such a gentleman you know! We got into the bathroom together and started making out like were 7 minutes in Heaven! Things went on but she became upset over something. Before I became confused I was the gentleman upon all nice men and used my sweet words to cheer her up! How sensitive I am?! We ended up leaving the bathroom since a bunch of people were so eager to use it; as we separated to do our own thang we ran into each other again in the night. I seen her sitting down next to the pool table so I walked over to her and sat down next to her with my smooth arm sliding around her. Not long after that it was time for her to leave and I gave her a hug then asked for a kiss but she just turned around then walked away. After all of that I walked down stairs laughing and woke up saying to myself “I am not a human being.”
Does it end there?! Nope, I received a message from her the next night asking to find out what happen considering she was blacked out for half the night! Haha whoops! I explained and then we started talking. After a little bit I noticed on her Facebook page she was in a relationship and right then and there I was like FUCK! I don’t know why but I couldn’t get her off my mind after that night. So I had to say something about it.
Porch: “Umm can I ask you a question?”
Brittany: “Yeah shoot!”
Porch: “Do you have a boyfriend?”
Brittany: “Haha oh boy, yeah but I’m breaking up with him soon. I don’t know we just got together about a week ago and I don’t know why I said yes.”
You can only imagine what happened after that! I started flirting with her little by little and I felt the same vibe coming back. We ended up talking all night even though she had to wake up early in the morning! I asked to chill again and she said she would love too! Not only that but she brought me food!!!!!!!! Well Jesus Mary and Joseph she knows how to make a man melt! She came over a few days after the first night we talked even though she was up all night the night before talking to me and then going to school then work! Too sweet, too sweet! Once she got to my house I walked out and hugged her, debated on kissing her since we already told each other we basically like each other but this was the first night I seen her since the party! But luckily enough Brittany was the one to kiss me! Oh boy did I feel special! She brought me a BBQ Bacon Burger with Jalapeños and fries! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?! I am in love. The night went wonderfully and a few hours later we left it until next time which was the next day I believe!
Whatever day it was, Brittany and I were meant to go to Jordan’s to watch a movie with another girl who Jordan would be with. But she bailed out; go figure. So instead I bought a case and it was time to get shitty!! At Jordan’s we were playing Porch’s Circle and Brittany did work and chugged those beers with a smile! I felt like life was complete while cupid shot me in the heart with his arrow! A gorgeous girl, who brings me food, gives me fags, and CAN DRINK BEER?! Life is complete. On top of that, the next night I was at Jordan’s still and she drove me 20 miles home! WIFE THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! The second we got to my house I asked if she wanted to come inside and she did! I laid down on my couch and she sat on it with me.
Porch: “I don’t want you to leave!”
Brittany: “I know me neither, I wish you could come to me house.”
Porch: “Wait, can I?!”
Brittany: “Yeah let’s do it!”
We literally drove 20 miles to drive me house and now were driving 20 miles back to her house! But before anything happened I thought of the greatest idea ever once Brittany walked out the front door. I went down on one knee and called her back in; she came back in finding me on one knee and then I asked her to be my girlfriend! She replied in joy and said yes! We hugged and kissed then relocated! We both thought it was so funny, weird, and random since it was such a quick process and all of that! But hey it felt right so why not?
We landed at her house and I waited in her car until it was safe to go inside! She sneaked me into her room and off we went kissing again! We didn’t do anything further, on any of the nights, which honestly I didn’t mind too much because great things come in time. Once 7:30am rolled around she tells me her Mom will be waking her up shortly for school and I had to hide in the closet! I was shit-faced, done having fun in the sun!
Porch: “YOU KNOW I’M NOT A PUPPY YOU CAN BRING HOME AND HIDE IN YOUR CLOSET!”
Brittany: “Ssh! Just go hurry up! I will give you food!”
Porch: “I hope you know this is going into my book.”
I went into her tiny closet laying on top of a million pairs of shoes and what not! She throws me in a pillow and I passed the fuck out! Apparently I was snoring while her Mom came in the room and she said her room smelled like a beer brewery! Hahahaha too funny! After about a half hour she wakes me up and I stood up, walked over to her bed, and crashed! Brittany on the other hand, looked at me like WTF?! Then grabs me and says we have to leave instantly! I got up while she makes sure it’s all good and we ran out to the car! She came out after about 10 minutes with an egg sandwich! Too sweet and too kind! I swallowed that sandwich faster than anything! The lovely lady skipped school and we went back to my house to snuggle up on the couch, watch a movie, and then started fucking around! She ended up punching me in my jaw! No joke, it was nuts. Then the day ended outside while we fucked around some more as there was a trailer park yard sale going on! She ended up leaving and we left it at that until next time!
Our short, crazy, insane relationship was a little much and became difficult considering we were 20 miles apart but it was way too much fun and now were great friends like it was all just some fun! The short, skinny, hilarious, cute blonde is a girl that is great to have around for whatever your ends meet! A couple beers, a couple laughs, meet up for a fag, or even if you’re feeling down. You will always leave smiling and there isn’t really much else to say considering it’s hard to explain. For all the girls that wanna know the ways to be the best in every way and maybe even win Porchies heart there can only be one word in the world that only few will understand but it will explain Brittany in every way would simply and only be “Wuff.”
Porch: “YOU THINK YOU’RE IRISH?!”
The girls heard me yelling my drunken slurs across the room and the chatting began! When I told Brittany that I was Porch she did a double check on my name then asked what my last name was. I replied with McDonagh then she told me she liked my fan page! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m the coolest! The night goes on as we talked little by little and we both become more and more drunk. From the many beers out of the keg I drank, along with the many beers I chugged out of my shoe along then the many pitchers Brittany was drinking of green beer. Once we hit our happy hour it was time to work my magic with this lovely lady. I was sitting down on this little shitty chair and Brittany was right in front of me as we were talking. I took her hand and swooped around implying to sit on my lap. SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!! I felt like a G! We were talking but I’m pretty sure she was more fucked up than I was; which is pretty damn fucked up haha! In the mist of us talking and such one of my best girl friends came over to me and gave me a big hug with exploding love! As she did that Brittany instantly stood up and walked away. The expression on my face went from a stretched smile with a beautiful girl on my lap to fuck you Shannon you just cock blocked me.
Shannon: “OMG did I just cock block you?!”
Porch: “Well yeah kind of but its okay, if it was anything I will get her again later.”
Once Shannon left I seen Brittany across the room and walked over to her in swag then I put my arm around her I think, pretty sure, then we made our way upstairs in the kitchen. There were a decent amount of people upstairs playing pool, drinking beer, and being cool but for Brittany and I, we were leaned up against the fridge with my arm around her. Then in the mist of this I looked at her then sneaked in a kiss! Oh boy was I a sneaky snake! But the best part of it all was that she replied with a kiss right away! You know what I replied with?!
Porch: “Let’s go to the bathroom right now.”
On our way up holding hands I told her that she was the boss of the bathroom and we didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want too because I’m such a gentleman you know! We got into the bathroom together and started making out like were 7 minutes in Heaven! Things went on but she became upset over something. Before I became confused I was the gentleman upon all nice men and used my sweet words to cheer her up! How sensitive I am?! We ended up leaving the bathroom since a bunch of people were so eager to use it; as we separated to do our own thang we ran into each other again in the night. I seen her sitting down next to the pool table so I walked over to her and sat down next to her with my smooth arm sliding around her. Not long after that it was time for her to leave and I gave her a hug then asked for a kiss but she just turned around then walked away. After all of that I walked down stairs laughing and woke up saying to myself “I am not a human being.”
Does it end there?! Nope, I received a message from her the next night asking to find out what happen considering she was blacked out for half the night! Haha whoops! I explained and then we started talking. After a little bit I noticed on her Facebook page she was in a relationship and right then and there I was like FUCK! I don’t know why but I couldn’t get her off my mind after that night. So I had to say something about it.
Porch: “Umm can I ask you a question?”
Brittany: “Yeah shoot!”
Porch: “Do you have a boyfriend?”
Brittany: “Haha oh boy, yeah but I’m breaking up with him soon. I don’t know we just got together about a week ago and I don’t know why I said yes.”
You can only imagine what happened after that! I started flirting with her little by little and I felt the same vibe coming back. We ended up talking all night even though she had to wake up early in the morning! I asked to chill again and she said she would love too! Not only that but she brought me food!!!!!!!! Well Jesus Mary and Joseph she knows how to make a man melt! She came over a few days after the first night we talked even though she was up all night the night before talking to me and then going to school then work! Too sweet, too sweet! Once she got to my house I walked out and hugged her, debated on kissing her since we already told each other we basically like each other but this was the first night I seen her since the party! But luckily enough Brittany was the one to kiss me! Oh boy did I feel special! She brought me a BBQ Bacon Burger with Jalapeños and fries! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?! I am in love. The night went wonderfully and a few hours later we left it until next time which was the next day I believe!
Whatever day it was, Brittany and I were meant to go to Jordan’s to watch a movie with another girl who Jordan would be with. But she bailed out; go figure. So instead I bought a case and it was time to get shitty!! At Jordan’s we were playing Porch’s Circle and Brittany did work and chugged those beers with a smile! I felt like life was complete while cupid shot me in the heart with his arrow! A gorgeous girl, who brings me food, gives me fags, and CAN DRINK BEER?! Life is complete. On top of that, the next night I was at Jordan’s still and she drove me 20 miles home! WIFE THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! The second we got to my house I asked if she wanted to come inside and she did! I laid down on my couch and she sat on it with me.
Porch: “I don’t want you to leave!”
Brittany: “I know me neither, I wish you could come to me house.”
Porch: “Wait, can I?!”
Brittany: “Yeah let’s do it!”
We literally drove 20 miles to drive me house and now were driving 20 miles back to her house! But before anything happened I thought of the greatest idea ever once Brittany walked out the front door. I went down on one knee and called her back in; she came back in finding me on one knee and then I asked her to be my girlfriend! She replied in joy and said yes! We hugged and kissed then relocated! We both thought it was so funny, weird, and random since it was such a quick process and all of that! But hey it felt right so why not?
We landed at her house and I waited in her car until it was safe to go inside! She sneaked me into her room and off we went kissing again! We didn’t do anything further, on any of the nights, which honestly I didn’t mind too much because great things come in time. Once 7:30am rolled around she tells me her Mom will be waking her up shortly for school and I had to hide in the closet! I was shit-faced, done having fun in the sun!
Porch: “YOU KNOW I’M NOT A PUPPY YOU CAN BRING HOME AND HIDE IN YOUR CLOSET!”
Brittany: “Ssh! Just go hurry up! I will give you food!”
Porch: “I hope you know this is going into my book.”
I went into her tiny closet laying on top of a million pairs of shoes and what not! She throws me in a pillow and I passed the fuck out! Apparently I was snoring while her Mom came in the room and she said her room smelled like a beer brewery! Hahahaha too funny! After about a half hour she wakes me up and I stood up, walked over to her bed, and crashed! Brittany on the other hand, looked at me like WTF?! Then grabs me and says we have to leave instantly! I got up while she makes sure it’s all good and we ran out to the car! She came out after about 10 minutes with an egg sandwich! Too sweet and too kind! I swallowed that sandwich faster than anything! The lovely lady skipped school and we went back to my house to snuggle up on the couch, watch a movie, and then started fucking around! She ended up punching me in my jaw! No joke, it was nuts. Then the day ended outside while we fucked around some more as there was a trailer park yard sale going on! She ended up leaving and we left it at that until next time!
Our short, crazy, insane relationship was a little much and became difficult considering we were 20 miles apart but it was way too much fun and now were great friends like it was all just some fun! The short, skinny, hilarious, cute blonde is a girl that is great to have around for whatever your ends meet! A couple beers, a couple laughs, meet up for a fag, or even if you’re feeling down. You will always leave smiling and there isn’t really much else to say considering it’s hard to explain. For all the girls that wanna know the ways to be the best in every way and maybe even win Porchies heart there can only be one word in the world that only few will understand but it will explain Brittany in every way would simply and only be “Wuff.”