Occurred Nov. 2009
Written Mar. 2011
Having sex is always a great day. But when you get to have sex with one of the sexiest girls you know; it becomes unbelievable! Sex is on everybody’s mind and it is a way of life. For me, sex was just something to dream about because before all of this I only had sex with one girl which was an ex-girlfriend of mine. I never give up on women or don’t bother giving the most gorgeous, sexiest, and most perfect women a try because they are never out of your league until you try. Sometimes seems pointless because 9 time out of 10 you will fail but there is always that 1 time out of 10 that will make everything worth it and unforgettable.
Written Mar. 2011
Having sex is always a great day. But when you get to have sex with one of the sexiest girls you know; it becomes unbelievable! Sex is on everybody’s mind and it is a way of life. For me, sex was just something to dream about because before all of this I only had sex with one girl which was an ex-girlfriend of mine. I never give up on women or don’t bother giving the most gorgeous, sexiest, and most perfect women a try because they are never out of your league until you try. Sometimes seems pointless because 9 time out of 10 you will fail but there is always that 1 time out of 10 that will make everything worth it and unforgettable.
It was Halloween time and I was broke as a bum that needed a job. Times were rough and I needed a change. Right before Halloween came around my older sister offered to give me a temporary job for Halloween delivering pizza’s at her restaurant. I started working there about a week before Halloween so I could get to know the area. I started working delivering pizzas and it was a legit place to work. A lot of young people and a lot of girls! My cousin Mike also worked there so he introduced me to a lot of people. Mike told me about all the sexy girls that work there and I was jacked too do work on all of them!
It was the day of Halloween and I was getting ready at my house for the day. I put on my Bruno outfit, walk down the stairs and Mother Goose did not like it at all. My Bruno outfit is a SMALL German boy outfit pretty much.
Mother Goose: “WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!”
Porch: “This is my Halloween outfit!”
Mother Goose: “NO! TAKE THAT OFF BEFORE YOU GET ARRESTED!”
Porch: “I’m not going to get arrested. Quit freaking out.”
Mother Goose: “Aren’t you afraid of getting beat up?”
Porch: “No, shut up.”
I hopped in my car and headed to work. I rolled up to work and I seen a few of the lads outside in their costumes! I saw a hockey player, a bunny, and a banana. I parked my car in the back and walked over. I was wearing construction boots, little yellow shorts about 4-6inches long, a pink shirt with overalls, and a white shirt under it. I walked up to the group of lads and they broke out laughing! They are making comments and they are surely shocked on what I’m wearing. After all I was 6 foot 2 inches 240 pounds. Maybe it didn’t look right but as Dan C would say: “It’s only funny because you are wearing it!” We were all debating on what the managers will say. Seconds after that, she walks out and seen me.
Manager: “CHANGE OUT OF THAT NOW!”
Porch: “What, why?”
Manager: “BECAUSE THAT’S DISGUSTING!”
Porch: “I think it’s funny.”
Manager: “Well I don’t. Put shorts on or something on or just go home.”
Fuck man that ruins my whole outfit! I go to my car and put shorts on and go back to work. But the shorts I’m wearing were kind of loose on me; you can only guess how that turns out. I go on my first delivery with about 5 large pizzas and two 2L of pop. On my way out I was holding all the pizzas in the pizza bag and when I walked outside all the drivers were playing hacky-sack. The sack ends up on top of my pizza bag and I lifted up the pizza bag high quickly so the hacky-sack would hop off n I can kick it. Everyone freaked for a second because I guess I could have ruined the pizzas. I get into my car and get ready to leave but before anything Mike comes out to check up on the pizzas. I argue and say they were fine even though I never checked. Guess what? They were all good as gold. Even if they weren’t; “Oh I’m sorry I got cut off pretty bad on my way here and I had to avoid the accident.” Golden, works every time. I get to the house and there were kids everywhere and a little party going in the garage. I grabbed the pizzas and I have drinks in my other hand. As I walked over to the house my shorts slowly but surely wiggle its way down my hips. I’m spreading my legs as I walk like if I got a mad rash from getting anally raped. But luckily one of the mothers came to the rescue!
Mother: “Oh your shorts are falling! Let me help you!”
(Walks over, grabs my shorts and yanked them up.)
Porch: “Thanks! We don’t want the kids seeing that!”
I get back to the restaurant and as I walked in I seen this tiny little sexy girl dressed as a pirate. The hawk has seized his prey. I talked to her little by little as the day goes by and this girl is gorgeous. Here’s a description: 5 foot flat, 95 pounds of pure sexy Italian-ness, perfect ass, and awesome personality. My Irish accent was fairly strong but I cranked it up hardcore for this lovely lady. My accent does wonders in millions of way you won’t understand unless you see it in action or if you have an Irish accent. At the end of the night as her job, she would have to cash out the drivers. As in the drivers will have to count all of the cash they received and put part of it in the cash register. When it was my turn to get cashed out I would count my money in Irish just to keep the pot stirring. This goes on for a while and it was going very well, but then again I get along with pretty much everyone and a lot of girls just love me and my accent and friendliness but never really pull through with it. Not to mention how far Sexy Pirate was out of my league, I mean she is a smoke show.
When I worked at the restaurant I would get a lot of hours. One day I overheard a driver talking to Sexy Pirate.
Driver: “Hey how are things going?”
Sexy Pirate: “Oh they are okay. My boyfriend broke up with me.”
Boom boom pow! There’s my cue and to attempt to hook up with this girl! My views on hitting on girls are to do my thing and if they say no, I say next. So even though there is no way possible I could even hold her hand, I can’t say I never tried. Finally I get her number and I do work via text messaging. Blah, blah, blah this goes on for a little while and one day I get this text from her.
Sexy Pirate: “Hey porch. I kind of have to tell you something…”
Porch: “Hey! Yeah that’s fine shoot!”
As I wait for the text back I called Mike and told him what she said. We were talking and I was thinking she’s back with her boyfriend or something. Until I received her text:
Sexy Pirate: “Well umm I kind of really, really, really like youand I think you are really cute!”
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?! Mike and I talked about this and I can’t believe this. I read it a million times to make sure I didn’t miss read it. As we talk about it I completely forget to reply to her text! I replied about 10-15 minutes later saying how I think she’s insanely beautiful and I cannot believe this. The texting and flirting increased with flying colors, I couldn’t stop smiling. One day before work I went over to her house to hangout for a little bit. I get to her house and told her that I was there. I guess she didn’t expect me so early. I walked over to the door and she answers’ with her head popped out of the door. She tells me to hold on so she can run to her room and change. I sneaked my eyes and she was wearing a white wife beater and little sexy booty shorts. She comes back dressed and we chilled in her room watching sports. We chilled for a little and we debated on what we were going to do. I fucked with her a little bit and we started wrestling. Once again, she’s a tiny little girl so I can throw her around and spin her on my finger. When we were done wrestling I looked at her and sneaked in a few smooches’. But I noticed that it tasted like coffee and I do not like coffee so I would fuck with her and avoid kisses. I don’t know how my game was so on target with her but thank god! She would offer to brush her teeth or something to get the taste out of the way but I told her it doesn’t matter. We ended up going down stairs to play some Guitar Hero. This goes well until the parents come home. We decided to leave and get food because well I don’t know but it’s always awkward when the parents are around. She walks up the stairs first and I followed behind her. Her step-dad was there with his friends so he chooses to show off by being a dick I guess.
Porch: “Hey how you doing? My name is Porch.”
Step-Dad: “Hey. Did my daughter tell you what my job is?”
Porch: “Yeah, you’re a cop.”
Step-Dad: “That’s right. Do you know how old she is?”
Porch: “Yeah, 17.”
Step-Dad: “How old are you?”
Porch: “Just turned 19.”
Friend 1&2: “Ooohh.”
Step-Dad: “Where do you work?”
Porch: “I’m a driver at a restaurant.”
Step-Dad: “Where you taking my daughter?”
Porch: “Were going to Sonic then I’m taking her to work with me.”
Step-Dad: “Are you a good driver?”
Friend 2: “Must be good if he is a driver at a restaurant.”
Step-Dad: “No it doesn’t.”
Porch: “Alright, well I’m going to head off.”
We left her house and she offered to buy me Sonic because I had a lot of bills piling up. We get to Sonic and I remembered I had community service with a lad who worked at this Sonic that I was at. He comes out and takes our order. We chat and joke around but he heads back to put our order in. As we are waiting in my Ford Expedition Sexy Pirate makes a comment:
Sexy Pirate: “So you got some big back seats there.”
Porch: “Oh yeah, sometimes I like to put the seats down and…. (Then I winked at her)”
Sexy Pirate: “Oh really?”
Porch: “Oh yes! Ah no I’m only kidding I’m waiting until marriage until I have sex.”
Sexy Pirate: “Oh yeah me too!”
Porch: “No, I’m serious.”
Sexy Pirate: “Wait, what?”
Porch: “Yeah I’m waiting until I get married to have sex. Is that a problem?”
Sexy Pirate: “No. No that’s fine.”
We eat our food and then left for work. As we were driving she suddenly became awful quite.
Porch: “Is everything okay?”
Sexy Pirate: “Yeah, everything is fine.”
Porch: “Mkay.”
She is still being quite.
Porch: “Why are you so quite all of the sudden? If you have a problem with me waiting for sex we don’t have to do anything.”
Sexy Pirate: “No its fine, trust me!”
We get to work and it’s a normal day as any other and I received a text from Mike.
Mike: “Yo did you tell Sexy Pirate that you are waiting until marriage for sex? Hahahahahaha.”
Porch: “Haha yeah I did. How did you find out?”
Mike: “She texted me.”
Porch: “Awesome.”
I continued working and it was just me and her in Carry out & Delivery. I turned around, picked her up by the legs, and threw her in to the chair against the wall.
Sexy Pirate: “Ugh I wish.”
Porch: “We will see how the cookie crumbles.”
Sexy Pirate: “No, I don’t want to ruin anything you have going.”
Porch: “Alright if you say so.”
It was almost the end of the night and I asked Sexy Pirate if she needed a ride home and she did. Midnight rolled around and we walked to my car. We got into my car and I asked her if she wanted to go home or hangout, she’s down to chill. We cruised around and there was nothing to do. She owed me a massage so I asked if she wanted to give me one. And one I got! We posted up somewhere around the town and she started to give me a massage. About 30 seconds into the massage I turned around and we started making out. After a minute of that she gets off of me.
Sexy Pirate: “Porch I can’t do this! If we go any further I’m going to rape you!”
Porch: “No, no I was just kidding! I’m not waiting until marriage to have sex.”
Sexy Pirate: “No you’re lying!”
Porch: “No I am not. Trust me.”
As we were talking I took off her pants and thong.
Sexy Pirate: “OMG how’d you take off my pants?!”
Porch: “Magic.”
I started to finger her like mad and she loved it. I took her bra off with one hand as well with her T-Shirt. Her body was amazing and perfectly perfect in every perfect way. I continued this for a couple more minutes.
Sexy Pirate: “FUCK ME! FUCK ME!”
Porch: “Haha NOPE!”
She moans and would I laugh. She hated it. She turned me over and started to take off my pants. Started jacking me off but girls suck at it so I told her to stop.
Sexy Pirate: “Um Porch do you have a condom?”
Porch: “Uh yeah let me get it.”
I searched through my pockets and car knowingly that I don’t have any sort of condom.
Porch: “No I don’t have any right now.”
Sexy Pirate: “Umm Porch, do you care about fucking without a condom?”
Looking at the sexiest girl I’ve seen in a while and I think to myself on this opportunity.
Porch: “No, not really.”
We fooled around and the fucking begins! We fucked for about 10 minutes and I pulled out and came in an appropriate area. I started to finger her again and after that we fucked again. Same routine flows and next thing I be gettin’ some head! After being out of juice the blow job wasn’t as great as it should have been. But when I look over I see her going to town! This girl is a pro and I’m in love! I tapped her on her head and asked if she want to fuck again. We fucked again for about 25 minutes and I was just working it. Pushing her back and forth hitting the right spots! There was no chance of me spitting out another load so we stop and cuddled up for a little bit.
Porch: “I cannot believe this just happened. This is insane!”
Sexy Pirate: “Why?”
Porch: “Look at you! You are the most beautiful girl around and you choose me out of everyone to be with on your Saturday night?! Like I want to take you everywhere and show you off and tell everyone that you are my girl…but you’re not.”
Sexy Pirate: “Not yet.”
From there I was speechless and I just laid back down and enjoyed life! Time was ticking and it was time to take her home!
Sexy Pirate: “Hey Porch, can we not tell anybody about this because I don’t want to seem like slut.”
Porch: “You’re not a slut but yeah that’s fine, but I’m telling mike; I tell mike everything.”
Sexy Pirate: “Ugh okay that’s fine.”
I took her home and then cruised back to the 847. I texted Mike on the way home and he couldn’t believe it. Neither could I, nor do I still.
The next day at work rolled around and people were making comments to me about the night before. Oh fuck this can’t be good. More and more people make comments and the word spreads little by little. Sexy Pirate comes to work later on that day and she was pissed. Fuck dude is this ruining everything? Yes it was. Sexy Pirate confronts me about it and I told her I didn’t tell anyone; which I really didn’t tell anybody. Except Mike but she knew that. She gets over it and I asked to take her out on a date to make up for the gossip.
Things were going well until she told me she missed her period and has been getting cramps. Holy shit dude, FUCK! This is the last thing I need in my life! No money to support a baby or barely myself. A couple days go by and she still didn’t get her period. I over hear her talking to one of the drivers and it doesn’t sound good. I looked over at her with the holy shit what the fuck face. We sat by the phones and had a chat.
Porch: “Sooo what was that about?”
Sexy Pirate: “Um yeah, I’m pregnant…”
Porch: “No you’re not. You’re lying.”
Sexy Pirate: “I’m sorry porch. I’m 100% serious.”
The look on her face couldn’t tell me anymore that she was not kidding. What am I going to do? I’m fucked for life. This can’t be happening.
Porch: “No stop it. Shut the fuck up you are lying.”
Sexy Pirate: “Haha just kidding! I got my period today!”
Porch: “WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”
Sexy Pirate: “Why are you so mad? Chill out.”
Porch: “I fucking wonder! I’m going on a delivery.”
Driver: “What Happened?”
I looked over at Sexy Pirate with a little smile on my face but still kind of pissed.
Porch: “Nothing!”
The day of our hot date rolled around and I called her; she answers’ crying.
Porch: “Oh no what’s wrong?”
Sexy Pirate: “My ex-boyfriend won’t stop calling me and he is yelling at me!”
Porch: “Well never mind him; you’re too good to deserve anything like that.”
Sexy Pirate: “Thanks. Ugh he’s calling again.”
Porch: “Just Ignore it.”
Sexy Pirate: “Okay….He’s calling again. Let me get this over with and I will call you back.”
Porch: “Okay babe, bye.”
The whole day goes by and I’ve heard nothing from her. Fuck dude there goes my dream girl. I texted her a couple times but no reply; finally later on in the night I got a text from her.
Sexy Pirate: “Hey Porch I just got done talking with Ex-Boyfriend and we worked a lot of things out and I think we are getting back together. I’m really sorry.”
Porch: “I guess it was too good to be true and it was fun while it lasted.”
It was a shitty ass feeling but I seen it coming I guess. I stilled work at the restaurant with her and things were a little awkward but it was more whatever. One day I was talking to her and she asked if I wanted to hang out again sometime and surely I accepted it. Later that night she was being pretty unusual and seemed pissed at me. She asked again if I told anyone about us having sex and I told her that I told one of the drivers. We argued and she got pissed and so did I. I left and cruised around for a little bit until I was done working. From then on there we would fuck with each other a lot by talking shit and what not.
Slowly but surely we stopped hating each other and started talking little by little. Recently I chilled with her with a few friends at a party but I was insanely hammered and ended up blacking out (Another story: 25 Kegs to 15 Gallons of Jungle Juice) but it was really nice to see her again and to finally party with her! If Sexy Pirate ever reads this story of mine, I hope she likes it and doesn’t yell at me for posting it! Fingers crossed!
Stay Wasted, Porch.
It was the day of Halloween and I was getting ready at my house for the day. I put on my Bruno outfit, walk down the stairs and Mother Goose did not like it at all. My Bruno outfit is a SMALL German boy outfit pretty much.
Mother Goose: “WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!”
Porch: “This is my Halloween outfit!”
Mother Goose: “NO! TAKE THAT OFF BEFORE YOU GET ARRESTED!”
Porch: “I’m not going to get arrested. Quit freaking out.”
Mother Goose: “Aren’t you afraid of getting beat up?”
Porch: “No, shut up.”
I hopped in my car and headed to work. I rolled up to work and I seen a few of the lads outside in their costumes! I saw a hockey player, a bunny, and a banana. I parked my car in the back and walked over. I was wearing construction boots, little yellow shorts about 4-6inches long, a pink shirt with overalls, and a white shirt under it. I walked up to the group of lads and they broke out laughing! They are making comments and they are surely shocked on what I’m wearing. After all I was 6 foot 2 inches 240 pounds. Maybe it didn’t look right but as Dan C would say: “It’s only funny because you are wearing it!” We were all debating on what the managers will say. Seconds after that, she walks out and seen me.
Manager: “CHANGE OUT OF THAT NOW!”
Porch: “What, why?”
Manager: “BECAUSE THAT’S DISGUSTING!”
Porch: “I think it’s funny.”
Manager: “Well I don’t. Put shorts on or something on or just go home.”
Fuck man that ruins my whole outfit! I go to my car and put shorts on and go back to work. But the shorts I’m wearing were kind of loose on me; you can only guess how that turns out. I go on my first delivery with about 5 large pizzas and two 2L of pop. On my way out I was holding all the pizzas in the pizza bag and when I walked outside all the drivers were playing hacky-sack. The sack ends up on top of my pizza bag and I lifted up the pizza bag high quickly so the hacky-sack would hop off n I can kick it. Everyone freaked for a second because I guess I could have ruined the pizzas. I get into my car and get ready to leave but before anything Mike comes out to check up on the pizzas. I argue and say they were fine even though I never checked. Guess what? They were all good as gold. Even if they weren’t; “Oh I’m sorry I got cut off pretty bad on my way here and I had to avoid the accident.” Golden, works every time. I get to the house and there were kids everywhere and a little party going in the garage. I grabbed the pizzas and I have drinks in my other hand. As I walked over to the house my shorts slowly but surely wiggle its way down my hips. I’m spreading my legs as I walk like if I got a mad rash from getting anally raped. But luckily one of the mothers came to the rescue!
Mother: “Oh your shorts are falling! Let me help you!”
(Walks over, grabs my shorts and yanked them up.)
Porch: “Thanks! We don’t want the kids seeing that!”
I get back to the restaurant and as I walked in I seen this tiny little sexy girl dressed as a pirate. The hawk has seized his prey. I talked to her little by little as the day goes by and this girl is gorgeous. Here’s a description: 5 foot flat, 95 pounds of pure sexy Italian-ness, perfect ass, and awesome personality. My Irish accent was fairly strong but I cranked it up hardcore for this lovely lady. My accent does wonders in millions of way you won’t understand unless you see it in action or if you have an Irish accent. At the end of the night as her job, she would have to cash out the drivers. As in the drivers will have to count all of the cash they received and put part of it in the cash register. When it was my turn to get cashed out I would count my money in Irish just to keep the pot stirring. This goes on for a while and it was going very well, but then again I get along with pretty much everyone and a lot of girls just love me and my accent and friendliness but never really pull through with it. Not to mention how far Sexy Pirate was out of my league, I mean she is a smoke show.
When I worked at the restaurant I would get a lot of hours. One day I overheard a driver talking to Sexy Pirate.
Driver: “Hey how are things going?”
Sexy Pirate: “Oh they are okay. My boyfriend broke up with me.”
Boom boom pow! There’s my cue and to attempt to hook up with this girl! My views on hitting on girls are to do my thing and if they say no, I say next. So even though there is no way possible I could even hold her hand, I can’t say I never tried. Finally I get her number and I do work via text messaging. Blah, blah, blah this goes on for a little while and one day I get this text from her.
Sexy Pirate: “Hey porch. I kind of have to tell you something…”
Porch: “Hey! Yeah that’s fine shoot!”
As I wait for the text back I called Mike and told him what she said. We were talking and I was thinking she’s back with her boyfriend or something. Until I received her text:
Sexy Pirate: “Well umm I kind of really, really, really like youand I think you are really cute!”
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?! Mike and I talked about this and I can’t believe this. I read it a million times to make sure I didn’t miss read it. As we talk about it I completely forget to reply to her text! I replied about 10-15 minutes later saying how I think she’s insanely beautiful and I cannot believe this. The texting and flirting increased with flying colors, I couldn’t stop smiling. One day before work I went over to her house to hangout for a little bit. I get to her house and told her that I was there. I guess she didn’t expect me so early. I walked over to the door and she answers’ with her head popped out of the door. She tells me to hold on so she can run to her room and change. I sneaked my eyes and she was wearing a white wife beater and little sexy booty shorts. She comes back dressed and we chilled in her room watching sports. We chilled for a little and we debated on what we were going to do. I fucked with her a little bit and we started wrestling. Once again, she’s a tiny little girl so I can throw her around and spin her on my finger. When we were done wrestling I looked at her and sneaked in a few smooches’. But I noticed that it tasted like coffee and I do not like coffee so I would fuck with her and avoid kisses. I don’t know how my game was so on target with her but thank god! She would offer to brush her teeth or something to get the taste out of the way but I told her it doesn’t matter. We ended up going down stairs to play some Guitar Hero. This goes well until the parents come home. We decided to leave and get food because well I don’t know but it’s always awkward when the parents are around. She walks up the stairs first and I followed behind her. Her step-dad was there with his friends so he chooses to show off by being a dick I guess.
Porch: “Hey how you doing? My name is Porch.”
Step-Dad: “Hey. Did my daughter tell you what my job is?”
Porch: “Yeah, you’re a cop.”
Step-Dad: “That’s right. Do you know how old she is?”
Porch: “Yeah, 17.”
Step-Dad: “How old are you?”
Porch: “Just turned 19.”
Friend 1&2: “Ooohh.”
Step-Dad: “Where do you work?”
Porch: “I’m a driver at a restaurant.”
Step-Dad: “Where you taking my daughter?”
Porch: “Were going to Sonic then I’m taking her to work with me.”
Step-Dad: “Are you a good driver?”
Friend 2: “Must be good if he is a driver at a restaurant.”
Step-Dad: “No it doesn’t.”
Porch: “Alright, well I’m going to head off.”
We left her house and she offered to buy me Sonic because I had a lot of bills piling up. We get to Sonic and I remembered I had community service with a lad who worked at this Sonic that I was at. He comes out and takes our order. We chat and joke around but he heads back to put our order in. As we are waiting in my Ford Expedition Sexy Pirate makes a comment:
Sexy Pirate: “So you got some big back seats there.”
Porch: “Oh yeah, sometimes I like to put the seats down and…. (Then I winked at her)”
Sexy Pirate: “Oh really?”
Porch: “Oh yes! Ah no I’m only kidding I’m waiting until marriage until I have sex.”
Sexy Pirate: “Oh yeah me too!”
Porch: “No, I’m serious.”
Sexy Pirate: “Wait, what?”
Porch: “Yeah I’m waiting until I get married to have sex. Is that a problem?”
Sexy Pirate: “No. No that’s fine.”
We eat our food and then left for work. As we were driving she suddenly became awful quite.
Porch: “Is everything okay?”
Sexy Pirate: “Yeah, everything is fine.”
Porch: “Mkay.”
She is still being quite.
Porch: “Why are you so quite all of the sudden? If you have a problem with me waiting for sex we don’t have to do anything.”
Sexy Pirate: “No its fine, trust me!”
We get to work and it’s a normal day as any other and I received a text from Mike.
Mike: “Yo did you tell Sexy Pirate that you are waiting until marriage for sex? Hahahahahaha.”
Porch: “Haha yeah I did. How did you find out?”
Mike: “She texted me.”
Porch: “Awesome.”
I continued working and it was just me and her in Carry out & Delivery. I turned around, picked her up by the legs, and threw her in to the chair against the wall.
Sexy Pirate: “Ugh I wish.”
Porch: “We will see how the cookie crumbles.”
Sexy Pirate: “No, I don’t want to ruin anything you have going.”
Porch: “Alright if you say so.”
It was almost the end of the night and I asked Sexy Pirate if she needed a ride home and she did. Midnight rolled around and we walked to my car. We got into my car and I asked her if she wanted to go home or hangout, she’s down to chill. We cruised around and there was nothing to do. She owed me a massage so I asked if she wanted to give me one. And one I got! We posted up somewhere around the town and she started to give me a massage. About 30 seconds into the massage I turned around and we started making out. After a minute of that she gets off of me.
Sexy Pirate: “Porch I can’t do this! If we go any further I’m going to rape you!”
Porch: “No, no I was just kidding! I’m not waiting until marriage to have sex.”
Sexy Pirate: “No you’re lying!”
Porch: “No I am not. Trust me.”
As we were talking I took off her pants and thong.
Sexy Pirate: “OMG how’d you take off my pants?!”
Porch: “Magic.”
I started to finger her like mad and she loved it. I took her bra off with one hand as well with her T-Shirt. Her body was amazing and perfectly perfect in every perfect way. I continued this for a couple more minutes.
Sexy Pirate: “FUCK ME! FUCK ME!”
Porch: “Haha NOPE!”
She moans and would I laugh. She hated it. She turned me over and started to take off my pants. Started jacking me off but girls suck at it so I told her to stop.
Sexy Pirate: “Um Porch do you have a condom?”
Porch: “Uh yeah let me get it.”
I searched through my pockets and car knowingly that I don’t have any sort of condom.
Porch: “No I don’t have any right now.”
Sexy Pirate: “Umm Porch, do you care about fucking without a condom?”
Looking at the sexiest girl I’ve seen in a while and I think to myself on this opportunity.
Porch: “No, not really.”
We fooled around and the fucking begins! We fucked for about 10 minutes and I pulled out and came in an appropriate area. I started to finger her again and after that we fucked again. Same routine flows and next thing I be gettin’ some head! After being out of juice the blow job wasn’t as great as it should have been. But when I look over I see her going to town! This girl is a pro and I’m in love! I tapped her on her head and asked if she want to fuck again. We fucked again for about 25 minutes and I was just working it. Pushing her back and forth hitting the right spots! There was no chance of me spitting out another load so we stop and cuddled up for a little bit.
Porch: “I cannot believe this just happened. This is insane!”
Sexy Pirate: “Why?”
Porch: “Look at you! You are the most beautiful girl around and you choose me out of everyone to be with on your Saturday night?! Like I want to take you everywhere and show you off and tell everyone that you are my girl…but you’re not.”
Sexy Pirate: “Not yet.”
From there I was speechless and I just laid back down and enjoyed life! Time was ticking and it was time to take her home!
Sexy Pirate: “Hey Porch, can we not tell anybody about this because I don’t want to seem like slut.”
Porch: “You’re not a slut but yeah that’s fine, but I’m telling mike; I tell mike everything.”
Sexy Pirate: “Ugh okay that’s fine.”
I took her home and then cruised back to the 847. I texted Mike on the way home and he couldn’t believe it. Neither could I, nor do I still.
The next day at work rolled around and people were making comments to me about the night before. Oh fuck this can’t be good. More and more people make comments and the word spreads little by little. Sexy Pirate comes to work later on that day and she was pissed. Fuck dude is this ruining everything? Yes it was. Sexy Pirate confronts me about it and I told her I didn’t tell anyone; which I really didn’t tell anybody. Except Mike but she knew that. She gets over it and I asked to take her out on a date to make up for the gossip.
Things were going well until she told me she missed her period and has been getting cramps. Holy shit dude, FUCK! This is the last thing I need in my life! No money to support a baby or barely myself. A couple days go by and she still didn’t get her period. I over hear her talking to one of the drivers and it doesn’t sound good. I looked over at her with the holy shit what the fuck face. We sat by the phones and had a chat.
Porch: “Sooo what was that about?”
Sexy Pirate: “Um yeah, I’m pregnant…”
Porch: “No you’re not. You’re lying.”
Sexy Pirate: “I’m sorry porch. I’m 100% serious.”
The look on her face couldn’t tell me anymore that she was not kidding. What am I going to do? I’m fucked for life. This can’t be happening.
Porch: “No stop it. Shut the fuck up you are lying.”
Sexy Pirate: “Haha just kidding! I got my period today!”
Porch: “WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”
Sexy Pirate: “Why are you so mad? Chill out.”
Porch: “I fucking wonder! I’m going on a delivery.”
Driver: “What Happened?”
I looked over at Sexy Pirate with a little smile on my face but still kind of pissed.
Porch: “Nothing!”
The day of our hot date rolled around and I called her; she answers’ crying.
Porch: “Oh no what’s wrong?”
Sexy Pirate: “My ex-boyfriend won’t stop calling me and he is yelling at me!”
Porch: “Well never mind him; you’re too good to deserve anything like that.”
Sexy Pirate: “Thanks. Ugh he’s calling again.”
Porch: “Just Ignore it.”
Sexy Pirate: “Okay….He’s calling again. Let me get this over with and I will call you back.”
Porch: “Okay babe, bye.”
The whole day goes by and I’ve heard nothing from her. Fuck dude there goes my dream girl. I texted her a couple times but no reply; finally later on in the night I got a text from her.
Sexy Pirate: “Hey Porch I just got done talking with Ex-Boyfriend and we worked a lot of things out and I think we are getting back together. I’m really sorry.”
Porch: “I guess it was too good to be true and it was fun while it lasted.”
It was a shitty ass feeling but I seen it coming I guess. I stilled work at the restaurant with her and things were a little awkward but it was more whatever. One day I was talking to her and she asked if I wanted to hang out again sometime and surely I accepted it. Later that night she was being pretty unusual and seemed pissed at me. She asked again if I told anyone about us having sex and I told her that I told one of the drivers. We argued and she got pissed and so did I. I left and cruised around for a little bit until I was done working. From then on there we would fuck with each other a lot by talking shit and what not.
Slowly but surely we stopped hating each other and started talking little by little. Recently I chilled with her with a few friends at a party but I was insanely hammered and ended up blacking out (Another story: 25 Kegs to 15 Gallons of Jungle Juice) but it was really nice to see her again and to finally party with her! If Sexy Pirate ever reads this story of mine, I hope she likes it and doesn’t yell at me for posting it! Fingers crossed!
Stay Wasted, Porch.