Written May 2012
This little butt-fuck story is a lot more than that because it was a mind-fuck at first! Hooking up with random girls at random parties at random colleges is always a good time but the best part is the story afterwards! Here is a short story of mine how I accidentally did a girl anal once.
As time went on Marilou called me saying she was at the corner of where I was! I left the house and went on the search for the cutest little Asian ever! Once I found her she made my heart melt with not only her sweet words but the flock of woman she brought with! Literally she rolled up like ten girls deep! Oh how life just falls in place is just perfect; not to mention how gorgeous the girls were! I brought the girls over to Zach’s house but once we arrived, Zach said that we were all going over to PANDAMNIUM’s show which wasn’t a problem considering it was only across the street.
When we walked into the party the girls and I went to the basement looking for the keg to start the night with a good bang! The house was packed with people everywhere! I was squeezing through people tightly like your first time having anal. As we made our way to the basement it became darker with fog smoke filling up the room; club lights were all around with people in every corner! As if Cloud Nine landed on Earth and found its parking spot! I made my way more towards the back room and I was on the search for a keg but ironically I couldn’t find it…WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!??!?!?!
I aggressively walked back upstairs to talk to security to demand information in full detail where the keg was but all I got from the fucking bastard was “It’s BYOB and the money is for the DJ.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?! FUCKING BULLSHIT! I TAKE BACK MY FUCKING CLOUD NINE COMMENT AND REPLACE IT WITH SHIT STAIN DIAPER SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh, fucking fuck, really?! Time to improvise in some sort of bullshit non-keg party sort of way I knew I had to make something work. If I have faith in God then destiny will lead me to success. After that mumbo jumbo of bullshit I went back downstairs with the ladies to gain some excitement and luckily my Marilou had an emergency bottle of Vodka! I felt like Frodo in the Lord of the Rings when he found the ring! Marilou’s sweet smile is as sweet as her heart of gold because she sent a few shots of love my way! I LOVE you Marilou!!!!!!!
The search and wait for the bathroom was the next path of mine but in the middle of all of this I seen this girl I use to work with at Moretti’s! I walked over to her and we had smiles and laughs! Moretti’s Girl also had some alcohol she was sharing with me! While I was taking a few swigs, her friend came running over and was pulling her away! In my confusion, I offered back the bottle of Vodka & Coke but I wasn’t sure if she heard me. After a few more comments she left and I said fuck it and started chugging what was left! Not much but approximately two inches left until empty of the two liter bottle. As I finished the bottle I made my way back to the girls in the basement. First, I went over to the DJ to say hello to PANDAMONIUM but I was saying hello to the wrong DJ at first! WHOOPS! He called me over and we had a quick chat before he started dropping bass from the ceiling. Shortly after that I walked over to Marilou and her blonde friend; dancing was first before hello and a little bit after that Blonde and I went upstairs to the bathroom for a quick break! While we were waiting in line I was pretty confident that our bathroom break would be a lot more than intended! After waiting so long in line it was our turn.
Blonde: “You go first!”
Porch: “Will do!”
Porch: “Your turn now!”
Blonde: “Okay don’t look though.”
Once she was done peeing we washed our hands and started making out; not even a minute into our little kiss kiss, people were knocking on the door from the outside only assuming what was going on and how long it would take. We aborted mission like Sarah Palin and she took my hand while we followed Marilou; where were we going? I have no idea but why not go for the trip! We ended up leaving the house and got in a taxi.
The taxi ride to a questionable destination was on the way with a few extra girls in the taxi. Blonde was on my lap and I had my arms around her; slowly made my way down to bikini bottom to pre-heat the oven before I stick in the roast beef! As if the heat was on too high she took my hand and put it up to her breast just wanting to explode like a Starburst commercial.
We landed at the dorms and Blonde walked Marilou and I over to check in but while her drunk ass was doing that the people working thought she had a little bit too much to drink for tonight and called a police officer to come in. Great, obviously my twenty-one year old ass is thinking, “I’m getting fucked like I always do but this will be for providing alcohol to minors.” I swear to fuck, don’t you dare put that upon me. I DIDN’T EVEN COME TO THIS COLLEGE WITH ANY MONEY!
The Police Officer was asking Blonde typical questions: What’s your name? What’s your age? Where do you live? What’s 4x3? You know easy questions. But how easy is easy for your ISU blonde? Let’s just say she got 75% of the answers correct but which one could be so difficult?! Well, apparently 4x3 is now 16 not 12! Haha, the Police Officer asked her about three times before Marilou butted her head in “…it’s 12” but luckily the Police Officer was nice enough to let it all slide.
The nervous sweats were gone and Blonde wanted to stop in Subway for some food before we went upstairs.
Porch: “Do you get free food here?”
Blonde: “Well, I would be lying if I said I don’t have a lot of money.”
Porch: “Wait, so can I get food?”
Blonde: “Yeah, that’s fine.”
Uh oh, did she just give Porch the advantage of getting food? A situation where Porch has some alcohol inside of him with a random girl buying him food from Subway? Typically, I’m nice about it but I chose to fulfill my hunger on this night.
Porch: “Hi, can I have a Philly Cheese Steak Foot long on Italian herbs and cheese? Can that be toasted? Can I have extra pepper jack cheese? Oh, can I get Jalapeños too? Can you put extra on that? Also, can I get Southwest sauce on that? And Ranch? Mayonnaise too?”
The smile on my face grew rapidly and I was VERY excited to eat this sub sandwich! We made our way up to her dorm and sat outside of her room while we ate our food. Marilou and I, as cute as we are, shared the foot long I ordered and pleasurably ate in what I can rename Cloud Nine. Once we were done Marilou called it a night and went to sleep in Blonde’s room.
Blonde and I started making out outside of her dorm which was uncomfortable considering how we were sitting so I suggested we go into her bed. We came upon an agreement and made our way up there; instantly I took off my shirt and climbed up to the top bunk. While I was on top…of the bed bunk you dirty minded punks! While I was on top, Blonde changed into her pajamas and then made her way up next to me. We started making out again and touchy feely was going on and clothes were coming off. I took off my jeans and boxers and helped her with hers; a little more touchy feely went on and I asked if she had a condom. She didn’t have anything to say but instead she threw her ass at me. In my mind I was thinking “Ummmm I’m going to stick it in anyway” not connecting any dots. Her back was against my belly and I stuck it to where I found a tight hole. I continued doing so until I became the weakest link and had to pull out. Once I did I emptied my load on her sheets without a care. In my memory, I didn’t last long in there, give or take five minutes, so I decided to be a nice lad and keep her happy with some finger banging. Once I started doing so, I noticed how loose and wet her vagina was which I was confused. I also think I found a tampon in there too which I didn’t notice while we were having sex…more confused. I didn’t take anything of the situation so I gave up and laid back down.
While I was lying down I noticed another lad walked into the room to where she got up and went outside with him. I laughed and relaxed until she came back as she said she would. As I was relaxing I fell asleep for about forty-five minutes and when I woke up she still wasn’t there…hmm what do I do now? As I was thinking the door opened but it was one of her friends.
Porch: “Where is Blonde?”
Friend: “She is in the bathroom.”
Hmm okay, I guess I will wait a couple minutes and if she doesn’t come back I will just leave.
[A couple minutes go by]
Okay, fuck this I’m leaving; I got up and put my clothes on but I noticed I didn’t have my ID! FUCK! I just raw-dogged this bitch and I think it’s a bright idea that I grab my idea before I bail out. I jumped back up in the bed and grabbed my ID then walked out in laughter. Once I got outside she was sitting out there with the lad that walked in. The lad had a smile on his face and Blonde wasn’t too smiley about the situation. Whatever as Eminem once said “Man, fuck that; hit that shit raw dawg and bail.”
After that, I met up with the lads and continued drinking until it was bedtime. The next day, we were walking around the downtown of Normal and I was thinking to myself about the night before.
Porch: “I don’t understand how her hole I had sex with was tight but the hole I fingered was loose and wet like jello? Wait a minute…I FUCKED THAT BITCH IN THE ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Well, there you have it ladies and gents! My first anal experience was of course accidental but it wasn’t that bad! Before my experience I wasn’t sure if I wanted to fuck a girl in the ass because well, I don’t know; just didn’t seem right. You know the saying “Don’t hate it until you try it” well I can say that the next time around, why not have a little bit extra fun even though it’s a tighter squeeze? It’s all fun and games in our youth and why not live it up until you cannot anymore.
Stay Wasted, Porch.