Barker: “Shit. What’s good?”
Porch: “Shit same shit. I seen your subs, how much?”
Barker: “$500 for two 15” and an amp.”
We went on about the subs but that’s more of the lines of a masturbation conversation I’d keep to myself, A.K.A nothing too important.
Porch: “So I hear you can drink.”
Barker: “Yeah I’m alright I suppose.”
Porch: “Yeah I heard stories form Trevor, we should drink sometime.”
Barker: “Yeah for sure bro. I’m always down, anytime, any day.”
Porch: “Hell yeah, what’s the fastest you ever finished a case?”
Me thinking I’m so cool and quizzing Barker like I’m fucking Steven Hawking.
Barker: “24 or 30?”
Barker: “About a half hour. Put 8 in a beer bong and chill on the rest.”
That’s where I shit my pants and attempt to reply trying to be cool. Back then I was a senior in high school and he was like a sophomore in college. So since I’m in high school I gotta be extra cool and have to do work on impressing the man who created beerfest. Maybe he said an hour and a half but from my knowledge he said a half hour.
Porch: “Damn, mine was like 5 hours or so. But that’s just straight chillin’.”
For the record so I’m not a complete bitch, around that same time I put up my plaque for finishing a 30 case at homecoming my senior year. [Another story to be written]
Barker: “Not so bad, once I drank ¾ of a handle of vodka and jumped out of a moving car going 30mph haha.”
Porch: “Yeah that might do it! What’s the most beers you drank in one sitting?”
Barker: “About 98. I started at 11am and finished around 11pm. I had a hangover for like 3 days haha.”
If this was a fight; I would have let him stab me and murdered me before I embarrassed myself. If we were just talking at party I would pretend my beer was empty and go get a refill. But we were on Facebook so he couldn’t really see that I just got shitted on all over my face, chest, legs, and feet.
Porch: “HOLY SHIT! Damn, they weren’t kidding when they said you can drink! The most I ever drank was about 30.”
I think he said he was with his buddy Grange when he was in progress of the 12 hour binge but I’m not positive. But this “Grange” character I have heard A LOT of over the years. I do not re-call that I have ever met him but I think I would be pretty cool to meet him and consume mass amount of alcohol with him and the rest of the gang. But anyway to bring my rep up and make me look semily-decently-kind of but not really-but hopefully cool is that my current record to this date (April 27, 2011) is about 50 beers. Not bad for a white boy huh? Well Barker is white too so FUCK YOU HATERS! I’M ALSO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barker: “A lot better than a lot other people around here. I’ve calmed down a lot on drinking though.”
Porch: “So I wouldn’t look too bad drinking next to you then? Haha”
Barker: “Haha no you wouldn’t.”
Awesome! See, I’m actually a pretty cool cat! My first night out with Barker is the night I met Davey. The night started off with Barker and Davey scooping me from my crib and on the search for some partying! I remember being at Davey’s house at one point; I’m not sure if that was before or after, I don’t know but here’s the night. We went to Jdog’s house to drink the drank and sip to what’s to be sipped. We get to this party and there are a bunch of kids there. I knew a few peeps there but I’m sure Baker & Davey didn’t know any except me. The main part of the night of what I remember is Barker telling me that Davey can fucking chug a beer like a hooker on cum guzzling hour. I knew I had to see it and that I did. Davey poured two beers into Das Boot I’m pretty sure. I remember walking around the party gathering people to see this man DEVOUR these two beers. Basically the two beers were gone in about 3 seconds. Yeah he does not, DOES NOT FUCK AROUND! I mean I can chug a beer pretty quick; quickest to this day is probably 3 seconds. But two in 3?! Fuck me pink and call me Lucy! The night carried on as so but the only other thing I remember was Davey stopping random people who would cross him and he would introduce himself.
Davey: “Yo waddup man I’m Davey!”
Hahahahahaha it was funny as fuck. Maybe you should have been there kind of thing but yeah, just wait until you meet him then you will basically shit your pants…so wear pampers just in case. What was also awesome was the we had the VIP passes of the party because once it was time to dip we told everyone “YO TIME TO PEACE! DIPSET WHITE BOYS!” not exactly like that but yeah. Chilled and drank a little more until it was bedtime. Once they dropped me off I went in the back of his car to get a case of beer and while I take it out and walk into my driveway a fucking Arlington Heights squad car was creepin’ behind us! I seen it was like “Ooh shit!” acted casual then continued my way inside! Luckily the cop didn’t do or say anything! But we all drank again many times and it was very successful. Another night we got coming to us is June 11th 2011. They know what I’m talking about! For them retarded world of warcraft proactive gingers out there it obviously means FLUX PAVILLION & DOCTOR P CONCERT AT CONGRESS THEATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Until then lads, Stay Wasted.
Porch: “Sup Barker, Sup Davey…Wait have I met you before?”
Chad: “I think so actually, you look really familiar…but I’m Chad.”
Porch:”Name doesn’t ring a bell but I’m Porch”
I remember I was so sure I first met him before that night but when? I have no fucking clue so I will leave it as that night being night 1 of 1,000,000. If you have partied with Chad and I in the last 6 months you will know what I have to say about him. Chad is the man! I can go on for hours with Chad but I will leave that for his Bio! Chad swings by tonight with Kate. A small little cutie that’s really cool and is always down to party! The night was really chill; you know the usual: drinking vodka, listen to music, playing with a 8” survival knife, shooting BB guns, fucking around with a pump gun…you know that typical shit. They were meant to stay the night but Kate was fucked on a ride so she met up with her sister so she wasn’t stranded or anything. Which blew but w/e I probably wouldn’t have written this so beneficial? I think so. Not much too really explain about tonight; it was chill and fun for my Elgin nights. Not that it would be the gayest night of my Arlington Heights Tuesday night but you know, it was a chill-will-fill-kill-and-bill night. No big deal over all.
Aaahh! My head is starting to hurt so I’m going to finish it off early and go on Facebook, watch some movies, pull the Mickey…who knows! But what I do know is that I will be missing out of Wheeler Block Party at Western Illinois University this weekend. 6,000 people on one block?! Thanks life.
Stay Wasted, Porch.