Drunken dancing has its ups and downs as bad as our hangovers for many reasons; seems like a great time but realistically you look like shit, all you are doing is tossing and turning making grunts with your eyes closed, holding your head while you curl up into a ball, etc. But surely to be an organized dancer is for those has-been celebrities that are on “Dancing with the Stars”. Here are the few dances we all do throughout our blurry and dazed nights.
2. Just Got To The Bar Dance: This dance starts off with the borderline I’m drunk skipping towards any cocktail waitress with your dumb recycled pick-up lines while you have one arm leaded against any ledge, fidgeting up and down from the ledge checking out the scenery, and exiting in and out of your order to say hello to people.
3. Yeahhh I’m Drunk Dance: At this point of your night, you are ready to be an bionic robot the second “your song” comes on; rushing and dodging anything in your path as if you are Devin Hester on the run for a touchdown. Once you get to your destination, your victory dance is like a bouncy ball on cocaine dancing with multiple people within seconds.
4. Shitty Swing Dance: Half closed eye, slurring 75% of your words, and thinking you’re swinging around the dance floor but realistically you are staggering like a headless chicken. Of course your dance partner is no better than yourself. Even though it seems like Beauty and the Beast in your head, it turns into Survival of the Fittest once last call comes around.
5. The Walk Home Dance: After your night of festivities, your walk home is similar to a combination of The Cha-Cha Slide and Guido Fist Pumping screaming to the skies as if you’re an Irish binge drinker. The closer you get to your house, the drunken hop scotching falls in your path all the way to your bathroom door to shake it off. Your last few steps end your night of idiotic dancing once you crash on your bed with the drunken giggles.
Sure they say “Never regret something that once made you smile” but that certainly doesn't mean we can try to avoid it in the near future. Retarded dancing is all fun and games but we use to think the same thing about unprotected yolo sex. So maybe we will cover up next time around just to be safe and not to worry about that certain thing next time around!
Stay Wasted, Porch.